Walk Away - I am not afraid of my truth

going through the ending of a friendship, no matter how expected or inevitable, is painful. despite seeing it coming a long way off, and knowing that it’s probably the best course of action for both of us, as our mindsets and opinions are too far separated, it is still difficult to let go. a gulf stretched out between us with your hateful words, your selfish behavior, your judgement and condemnation every time we disagreed...it cut me deep, time and again. i considered severing the ties that bind us many times, and yet hesitated over and over, unwilling to let go just yet. however, it seems we’ve crossed lines this time which cannot be uncrossed. you’ve made choices i cannot support, and yet i’ve remained silent and withheld judgement as much as possible, i’ve stayed my tongue more times than i can count.

you, on the other hand, have made demands and criticized by decisions left and right. as i grew more fully into myself, as i became more and more who i was meant to be, embraced my pain and worked through it to a place of healing and self-awareness, you pushed back. as i took advantage of my change of scenery to make new friends and enjoy life to the fullest, you grew bitter and resentful of your inability to do the same, despite all the other advantages you had that i did not.

i have loved you for many years, and i shudder to think of all the memories that will be tainted as this rift tears us apart...but it comes as no surprise, honestly. our perspectives were too different, and your violent reactions to my disagreements have left many scars. your harsh words and cruel judgments have done more damage than i care to admit, and i cannot willingly participate any more.

especially not while you actively choose that pathetic excuse for a human being over me. every time you say “i won’t choose a side!” you’re really saying that my pain, my experiences, and my reality are not as important to you as refusing to acknowledge his negative traits. you allowed your desperation and his charisma to draw you into a relationship with a cruel, selfish man-child who tells strangers on the internet to kill themselves as a means of entertainment, and you chastise ME for talking badly about him. you tell ME not to speak poorly of him on MY fb page because it makes you uncomfortable....

well, my love, that is too far. I have earned every scar and every stripe on my body, and i have earned the right to talk about how i got them. i am not afraid of my scars, and i will not omit pieces of me for your comfort. if you are going to insist on continuing down this path, choosing to ignore the warnings and my reality and healing in favor of pretending that you are going to be the one who magically fixes him, then by all means...to each her own. but i will have no part of it.

i cannot in good faith sit here and pretend like i am ok with it, or condone that kind of behavior. especially when it comes with demands on my own personal path of healing, to allow you not to notice the boiling pot you’re sitting in steadily rising in temperature. when all is said and done, i hope you figure this out before its too late, and i hope you will be ok. i will miss you more than words can say.

but he is changing you, making you more selfish than you were even before, and i will not sit idly by and take this. i will not watch him destroy you, and i will not watch you fall apart when i did everything in my power to keep you from this fate. by all means, do what you think is best. some lessons must be learned the hard way, and you have as much right to that as any of us. i will not stand in your way.

but neither will i stand beside you watching you self destruct for the sake of that pathetic sack of flesh who does not deserve you, who will not appreciate you as you deserve to be appreciated, because he is too self-absorbed to ever truly love anyone. someday, when all is said and done, i hope you will find me. and i hope you will heal. but for now, this is goodbye, old friend...goodbye, and good luck. you will be missed.

but i must focus on what is good and healthy for me, and it is not you, not at this phase in your life.